Understanding Emotionally Based School Avoidance - A Conversation with Dr Tina Rae

Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) is an experience that is touching the lives of increasing numbers of young people, families, and schools across the UK. Yet despite how common it has become, it remains widely misunderstood.

I recently had the privilege of sitting down with Dr Tina Rae for the Autism Unpacked podcast to explore EBSA in depth: what it really is, why it happens, and how we can better support the young people living it.

This conversation is rooted in compassion, curiosity, and a shared belief that attendance difficulties are never about defiance; they are about distress.

Moving Beyond “School Refusal”

EBSA is often mistakenly labelled as “school refusal.” That language alone can be harmful, implying choice, manipulation, or a lack of motivation.

But EBSA isn’t about a young person who won’t go to school.
It’s about why, in that moment, they can’t.

When school feels emotionally, sensory, or relationally unsafe, a child’s nervous system does exactly what it’s designed to do: it moves into protection. For many young people experiencing EBSA, attendance isn’t a behavioural issue; it’s a survival response.

Why Neurodivergent Young People Are Affected More

Autistic and neurodivergent children experience EBSA at significantly higher rates, and this is something Dr Rae and I explore in depth.

Neurodivergent young people often navigate:

• Chronic sensory overload

• Social misunderstanding or exclusion

• Masking and emotional exhaustion

• Environments that don’t flex to meet their needs

Over time, these experiences can accumulate into trauma, leaving school associated with threat rather than safety. When this happens, the nervous system simply cannot engage in learning or attendance, no matter how much a child may want to.

The Role of Trauma and the Nervous System

A key part of our discussion focuses on how trauma, past educational experiences, and nervous system overwhelm shape a young person’s capacity to attend school.

Repeated experiences of not being believed, being punished for distress, or being forced to “push through” can reinforce fear and avoidance. The result is often a cycle where pressure increases, while capacity decreases.

Understanding EBSA through a trauma-informed lens allows us to shift from asking:

“How do we get this child back into school?”

to:

“What does this child need to feel safe enough to return?”

What Actually Helps

Rather than focusing on compliance or attendance targets, Dr Rae and I talk about the importance of relational safety, co-regulation, and trust.

We explore:

• What parents, carers, and educators can do to reduce pressure and increase felt safety

• Why connection must come before expectation

• How small, relational steps support genuine re-engagement

• The importance of working with families, not against them

There are no quick fixes for EBSA, but there are compassionate, evidence-informed approaches that help young people rebuild their sense of safety and belonging.

A Trauma-Informed, Neurodiversity-Affirming Perspective

This conversation offers clarity and reassurance for anyone walking alongside a young person who is finding school overwhelming, whether you’re a parent, carer, educator, or professional.

EBSA is not a failure of parenting.
It is not a lack of resilience.
And it is not something that can be solved with pressure or punishment.

It is a signal, and when we learn to listen, real change becomes possible.

Listen to the Episode

👉 Listen to the full episode of Autism Unpacked with Dr Tina Rae here:
Access the Podcast

If this episode resonates with you, please consider sharing it with:

• Parents and carers navigating EBSA

• Schools seeking trauma-informed, inclusive approaches

• Professionals supporting neurodivergent young people

Together, we can shift understanding and create educational experiences where young people feel safe enough to show up, learn, and belong.